The answer

My mom called and commented on my blog. I just wanted to set the record straight so no one else misunderstood me. I adore my daughter, I love my daughter. She is my entire world, and I'm so thankful for her. I don't resent her in any way. I realize that the relationship I had with her father probably would have ended at some point anyway. I think it may be possible that her existence expedited the process, but I realize that it's not her fault.

Here's the reality of the situation. I loved him so much, that losing him (combined with my past history with men) would have destroyed me. I think that the Lord provided my very precious blessing in order to give me something to live for. To give me focus. To give me a reason to keep my life on track. It would have been very easy for me to lose myself in the world, specifically to lose myself in alcohol, had it not been for my precious girl. So in every way she is my blessing, and having her saved me from myself.

But gosh, this sure is a lonesome holiday season.