Depression

It's been a long time since I've posted a blog, but life caught up with me along the way. I'll post an update at some point (I think I always say that) but here's what you need to know to be caught up to date: Married the most wonderful man in the world. Had baby number 2 - a funny, charming, strong-willed little boy named Caleb. Diagnosed with PPD, anxiety. Moved to NC. Got pregnant with baby number 3 - A handsome, charming, little clown named Connor. Diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Had baby number 3. Diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. Currently a full time student/stay at home mom. Husband joined the reserves. Ok... those are the highlights. Here is where I am. I am depressed. I am miserable. I am so lonely. Motherhood is the loneliest I've ever been in my life, and I was the sole female on a team of 15 guys in Iraq - 15 guys that really didn't talk to me on a social level. I thought that would be the lowest I ever felt. I was wrong. I wouldn't change anything. I don't want to be anywhere else. I want to raise my kids, I want to see them grow every day. I also want friends, someone to talk to, someone who wants to talk to me. Part of this is all based on hormones and hashimoto's. One of the symptoms of hypothyroidism is depression. I believe it. Mine was so bad I was hallucinating at one point. The other part of it is that I haven't had a good, close girlfriend in a long time. I have great friends, (and of course my best friend), but they aren't here. HERE makes a difference. I want to leave my kids with a sitter and go do something, but I have homework to do. We can't afford to get a sitter anyway. The kids have been sick for the last month, 2/3 of them. It's a different combination of the kids at different times. We are finally on the mend... and the baby starts cutting teeth. He hasn't slept in days. I'm so far behind in my college classes I don't know how I'll ever catch up. I have no one to call to come over, no one to help. I'm stuck blogging about it - because I'm in a world where no one really cares except my husband and my kids. People say they do... but they aren't here. Here makes a difference. I'm just thankful that in a couple of hours Brad will be home, and I won't be quite so alone for a little while.